Hi, everyone. I'm so grateful that you decided to spend your valuable time today to listen to my topic on deconstruct the fear of failure and rejection, especially when I know there are so many other options out there for you.As you can see in this picture, a small boy raising his hands happily. I was unlike him. I was always that shy little girl who was so reluctant to raise my hands, even if a question was asked because I was afraid I was so reluctant. Even if I know the answer, I was so reluctant. Ok? The fear was holding me back. So today, I'm so excited to talk on this topic because this is very close to me and I can share it and share and talk a lot about from my personal experience. But let me just say from the beginning that like most of the people out here, I also deal with the fear of rejection or fear of failure. But if I am standing in front of you today and presenting, it doesn't mean that I don't have or I am born with the fear born with fearlessness. It's because I'm applying the strategies to overcome this fear and to be more resilient. And today, I'm going to share with you some tools and techniques and the essential strategies which you can apply to overcome this. And it is so important to address this because if we don't address the fear, it will sabotage your relationship, your happiness and your career progression.

Remember, courage is not the absence of fear, it is the willingness to act in spite of the fear. Let me quickly check the open window if you are typing something because uh OK, fine. So you are seeing my screen and everything is fine because I, when I, I can see only my pity and I don't see the chat window. So I just quickly go back and see. So let me quickly introduce myself. My name is Mimi Nele and I have 11 plus years of experience in software industry and I'm working as an it product owner in BMW Munich and outside of work, I love to bake. I love cycling. I love networking with my friends, like and also networking with like-minded people. And I love traveling. And there I live here in Munich with my four year old son and my husband, which you can see in the pic. And there is a reason why I have put this pic, which I'll explain to you later. So, and I hope this session will be useful to at least some of you who struggle with the fear of failure or who have recently experienced failure or rejection. So let's dive in, ok, the fear of failure, no matter who you are or where you are from, everyone will experience fear to a certain extent. And I also face it.

Fear of failure is one of the biggest fear we humans face and it is grossly related to the fear of rejection and also the fear of criticism. How many of you have missed tremendous opportunities and experiences because you are afraid to do so because you are afraid with, afraid of the uncertainty. Yeah, I, I did, I hope you, you have guys have also did that. OK, I see. I'm just checking the chat in between. Yeah, we i it is that we always hold to our self-limiting belief on what we can achieve in life. For example, when I was working with F and uh one of my sugge, one of my friends suggested my name for angering for anyone. And I was reluctant. I was, I said, I, no, I'm not good enough for this. And, but II I said, OK, maybe I should have given it a try. But years later, uh uh last year, uh I, I was given another opportunity and I did it. Uh OK, I thought, OK, I did it and it was not so bad as I thought it was so many of us have that period of life where we feel stuck and we, where we are afraid to do something because we felt that we may not be successful at it. We have that, that fear and that is completely understandable. And before we get into the tools and techniques and tips that help us encounter the fear of failure, let us look why such fear exist. But why?

Yeah, because it is a normal brain function and we inherit it from our ancestors to react to the situation of uncertainty. And the reason why so many people hold themselves back is because of the uncertainty around the outcome, we don't know if we will fail or succeed. So there is always a risk of failure. But the reality is those who take risks are more successful. And the situation is a situation of unknown or uncertainty which we inherently struggle with. We find it so stressful that we want to avoid it. But think we, our brain is so wired that way and our emotional limbic brain is so hardwired to react with fear. And when, when, when some uncertainty or unknown comes and why do we do so? Because it is to protect ourselves from threat here, I from failure. So when something won't work out, we become paralyzed or stagnant, we become stuck and we don't want to try out new things or come out of our comfort zone. And the fact is the fear of failure isn't about the fear of failure itself. The main reason why we fear failure is because of the negative emotions associated with the emotional pain that we think we will experience. It is often because how we think others will think of us, their negative assessments, their judgments. It's the shame and humiliation.

So we, we take it all on ourselves, we magnify it in our mind and we try to avoid it. We focus too much on it and this is the hard cold truth that we emphasize too much on it. And where does this fe fear of failure actually come from? Most likely it is because of the earliest experiences, maybe from 1 to 7 years when you were a kid you have when you are forming your sense of self and based on the relationship you had with your parents and friends. And the fun fact is it is actually called at at Tia as you can see already in the screen. And it is often the result of life experiences that causes deep rooted thought that the worst thing that you can do is to get fail or get rejected. But next time you encounter with some fear, just remember that your brain is working properly, your limpid brain is working properly. So now let's look into some of the essential strategies or tips which I have for you to overcome this fear, fear of failure or rejection. Let me quickly go into the chat window. OK. Good. Just to check if uh there are any questions. So the first step which I have for you is face your fear and reframe rejection. So there is no magic pill.

But the main key element to eliminate fear is to face your fear. If you want to conquer the fear, do what you are afraid to do. If you continue to do what you are afraid to do over and over again, you won't be afraid anymore. Believe me, the fear level will come down and down and down. Remember nobody starts anything perfect. You just have to start at some point in your life. You will never be ready. And I want you to increase to start taking action. Get into the game, do the death because you have to start at some point, you will never be ready. And I, I still remember when I have to get into the stage, speak of from back in my school days. I was so nervous. I still remember when they call upon my name. Uh I just go to the stage and before getting into the stage, I go to toilet multiple times. I oh my God. I and my hands were so shaky and I was so scared and when the call my call, my name, I do whatever it is, what I have to do. And I do my best and let me tell you every time I got off that stage, it just like I did it, it was a not so bad as I thought it would be.

So I want you to understand that you have to have that tenacity as a kid and understand failure is part of the process you face failure because you have taken a step in which others are afraid to do. So, you are a lot more further than a lot of people who have been afraid even to get to that point. Recognize you are putting way too much emphasis on what others think of you and it needs to stop live your life. And I had that phase in my life where I was living my life based on what others expected of me rather than living on my life on my own terms and going after my own ambitious goals. Therefore, I would advise you to best way is to redefine the failure to stop worrying about what other people will think of you. You know what they are just cringe and they move on. They will have some other gossips to talk about. They will have uh some other topics. You had a not horrifying moment, maybe you had a failure, but that's ok. Uh That's how you learn. I even now I know I, I don't think I'm uh I'm not the, I know there are so many other talented speakers out there, but still it's ok, there will be always talented performers than you and me.

But you know what create anyways just do it because you are unique in your own ways and you have to act unless you do it, you won't come out of it. So remember, failure is always not always a bad thing. Every failure is one step closer to your success. So next time when you are in a challenging situation or when a fearful thought comes through the, this is one tip that you can already see in my screen that write it down. What is the worst thing that can happen? Uh If I do this, will I still be better for this experience if I do this? So once you visualize the worst possibilities that can happen with a thing which you want to do, you, you will realize that you the worry, the worry will start decrease and you really want to try it. So once you have resolved to accept the worst, I mean, you are no longer, you no longer have to worry about it. All the stress caused by denial or by refusing the first it suddenly appears, just try it. So and always think that it is that primitive part of your brain that wants to take over and calm down each fearful thought, just try it once I have done it. And I'm this is one of the tip which I am giving you.

And another thing is reframe rejection. As you can see the picture here, a boy sleeping. Uh I put this picture because of one of my personal experience. I know rejection hurts, it stings, it makes us feel like we don't, we are not good enough. Some ways we see a and in order to leverage those moments of pain, I had, the best tip is to see this rejection as a projection, a psychological projection. So instead of being afraid of rejection, consider it as your friend. So let me tell you a personal story. And uh what I mean by projection is that it is a projection of other people's insecurities onto you. So, reframe it. And I have a personal story where I was in my, I don't remember exactly. I was in my third grade or fourth grade and uh we went to a school picnic with my friends. I was at in Robert. I, I didn't have many friends. I'll just check if uh you are. Ok. Cool. Uh So you see my screen? Ok. Fine. Yeah. So I was always at Introvert girl and I just had two of my best friends and I, I slept on the bus uh on the way when we go to the picnic and I was drooling. You know, this saliva comes and it was uh I was leaning against my, one of my best friend and uh the moment we reached the destination, she stopped talking to me. II, I didn't understand why.

And then the other friend came, told me it's because you did something that you'd ruled on her address. And I didn't even know I felt ashamed and rejected. I I felt denied and I, I allowed that moment of rejection to diminish my confidence and my self esteem. I wanted to gain their approval and acceptance. Uh Yeah, so I would suggest you to reframe the rejection as a projection. It was actually the projection of their insecurities on to me. And I would always advise my kid, I mean, from my experience, I can always tell him uh because we parents are their cheerleaders. So I hope you will at least do some action, face your fear and reframe your rejection as a projection next time. And the next step which I have is don't take it personally, don't take your rejections personally. I know it is easier said than done. It is a hell of a job in real life. And I'm a person who used to struggle with this. Do you have any idea how many thoughts our brain produces in a day? It's 50,000 and guess how many of it are positive? Only 10,000. So this means 80% of what we think are negative thoughts. So let me give you an example where I have taken things. So personally, the days when I started driving back in India, I drove, I was scared but I still tried for it. I drove slowly and someone driving behind me will start hanging, flashing their headlights. I felt hunt.

I started taking it personally, I'm not fit to be a good driver. I know I shouldn't, but it happens and I stopped driving in 2008 and I started all over again last year after so many years. So it was my action. It was not me, it was my action. Even the person don't even know me. So next time when you feel that somebody, somebody is uh telling you or you feel that it's uh somebody is avoiding you when you are not invited for a party, don't feel neglected. It's not about you. It's the way you approach them or they reject your actions. So when you are attending an interview and you prepare it so well, you attended it so well, but still they rejected you. It's not because of you. Maybe that person had a bad day, just try to um train your brain in such a way that maybe the person had a terrible day or maybe something uh it was not your fault or maybe you can take it also as a learning like you can get feedback. You cannot be liked by everyone in this world. Understand that and be comfortable with that fact. But being rejected doesn't mean it doesn't portray your personal trait. No, your work understand that you are not a loser. So train your brain not to take things personally. Instead it was the circumstances that didn't work. It did, it doesn't reflect you as a person or your ability to achieve things after learn to love yourself.

And the next point which I have, which I love is persistence is the key I told you there was a reason I put up that picture in my first slide. And it is because uh this was my uh I love to bake cakes. And uh the first picture which you see is my third or fourth. I don't remember the first two cakes which I bake to. No, I cannot even call it a cake. And the second picture which you see is the uh are the two cakes which I bake for my four year old son. Uh In Yeah, this April. So persistence is the key. Don't stop until you are proud of yourself because the pain is just temporary. Uh It, it's like if I had stopped baking cakes that time, I would have never been able to bake these two cakes as per my kids requirement. So now uh I mean, don't stop what you are allowed to do. Don't stop until you're proud of yourself. And can you imagine how many times I'm working as an it product owner in BMW? Can you imagine how many times I was rejected? Uh We, we don't see your slides. OK. Uh huh. Let me share it again. I don't know why you don't see my screen. Can you see it now? Uh One sec? OK. Cool. So I hope you didn't miss my slides before slides cause I'm always switching between the two slides. OK. Cool. So I was explaining about this cake.

This was my third or fourth cake and this was uh the second picture is the uh last cake which I did. Uh OK, cool. So, so can you guys guess how many times I was rejected by BMW? Yes, please put it in the chat. I would like to see how many times I would. Oh, your guesses. 224. Ok. Uh ok. So I was rejected 129 times. I started applying to BMW in 2014. When I reached here in Munich. It was always my dream company. I and I wanted to, I just uh you asked me if I can. Oh, sorry, I didn't go to the full screen. OK. Now I'm always switching between the chat and the PPT. That's why. OK. So I was rejected 129 times. Uh Some of it, I didn't even get the interview but some of the times I got the interview, but still I was rejected. And if I had taken all these reject personally, and if I had stopped it, I wouldn't have worked now for the interview. So concentrate on what you can control, smartly. Understand your resources, work hard with optimism, dedication, and persistence. If you fail at many attempts, just bounce back with more enthusiasm and passion. Remember when you are pulled down, you soar higher and you show the people when when uh life throws land, there is a famous Amen. Life throws lemons at you make more.

Um Yeah, make what whatever you want with marmalade or lemonade or throw it at the face of the person who have given you the lemons and until he give you the oranges and I want you to check out the stories of famous person. Do do uh I know everyone uh everyone of you love mostly. I don't know, I love KFC chicken. You know how many times this recipe was rejected, it was rejected 1009 times. I think I'm running short of time. Ok. It was rejected. 1000 so I want you to concentrate on what you can control and read about the famous personality when I was rejected. I was sad. I used to cry but now the rejection doesn't affect me anymore because and I also listen to the TED talks. I have to be and the next thing uh let me quickly go to the chat as well. OK, cool. So yeah, now I go to the full screen again. So the next step which I have is keep your eyes on the goal. So unless you have a goal, there is no clear destination. Start by setting up small goals, write it down in sticky notes. I still have a lot of go my goals. I have written it down and I uh it's like you have to start with small attainable goals. You dream big but break it down into small manageable steps and hang it on your walls so that you see it every day and think and say, and don't forget to celebrate the small, small success, some small wins.

Otherwise the life would be so frustrating and celebrate small wins and it boosts your confidence. Don't focus too much on the end picture so that you forget to celebrate the small wins and but always keep also an eye on the pole and the next one, the last slide, not the last slide, but the last tip which I can give you is don't be so hard on yourself. I know that the rejection, the failure, it hurts. But whenever you have to vent out, go to a friend or create a supportive support system which you can rely on and you hear you out without judgment. And so look out for mentors it and it people who inspires you to grow. So emotional support from loved ones adds fuel to your potential and desire to achieve success. And there is no shame in that. There is no shame in sharing your fear of failure to trustworthy friends or family members or love because this just adds you the fuel to your success and your desire to achieve it and allow yourself this all trigger you to be successful. And I think that's the last slide. So to sum it up, there is no magical dose which I can help you overcome your fear of failure. But you are on esteem, consistency, willpower and persistence.

And I hope at least few of you will apply these tips which I have given you and you have few takeaways. I hope. And what would you attempt to do if you knew that you could not fail? That would be my question and feel your way to success. I don't know from which part of the world you are. But take the thank you from here, which in your language and feel free to connect with me in linkedin. So I thank you all for listening to my story and I, I hope you could take some tips or some tools which you can apply next time you feel the fear.