We are going to get started. Welcome, welcome. I'm excited that you guys are here and I'm here to talk to you about things that are very different than a lot of the tech conference has been and what you might be um learning and experiencing this uh conference.So, welcome a little intro on me. My name is Amy Sanders. I'm a master certified life coach and mindset coach and I help people step out of their head and I help them rewire their brain. And I've had a myriad of experiences over my life, including becoming a recovering people pleaser. That's what I am doing now. Um As well as divorce remarriage. Uh We have a blended family of seven kids and so life can be a little bit chaotic at our house. And so um I wanted to start by just saying you're here because you are women who are attending a global tech conference. You have tech in your life somehow. And I'm assuming most of you this is your career. So my husband is also a tech expert and he works with women every single day just like yourselves. And that's what made me want to be part of this conference is because my heart's there because he comes home and tells me some of the things that you guys struggle with.

Um some of the stuff that he has said that women in tech struggle with is men assuming that you guys don't really understand or aren't really technical. Another one he says is that it can be a condescending world where you don't feel heard, you feel like you're talked down at and it does not necessarily feel good or it's hard to find common ground because you are a woman and you're living in a men's world. And so a lot of those men are developers or they're engineers and they're uh they like to do gaming and et cetera and that's not you. And so you feel like that it's a hard, it's hard to find common ground with people in your industry. Another thing that he said is something that you really struggle with is being a mom, being a mom and juggling both your career and all of these different responsibilities, especially if you're working from home, which a lot of people do now. And so if that's you being a mom can bring a whole other dynamic into your world that can be really hard. So uh the last one that he brought up was just pay and compensation. He says even in his world. So he does all of the hiring. Um He works at 1 800 contacts. If you're familiar with that company, it's pretty big. And he says that when he is uh doing the hiring, he can't believe just even the difference in pay.

And so I know that you guys struggle with these things and I wanted to give you a little bit of background on my life and where I've been and then move it into how this relates to you. And so at the beginning, I know more people are joining as they get going because I wanted to just uh come back to this whole people pleasing. So I, I was raised in a family where you people please at all costs like that is what you do. And so that's what I learned. And I wanna start with just a story about um I have a few stories to share about my road, which I'm sure a lot of you will be able to relate to and then we'll turn it over to how it relates um to you and this, this whole uh presentation. So uh when I was 13 years old, I loved hanging out with friends. It was like my favorite thing. I was very social. It was very bubbly and that was my favorite thing. However, in this particular moment, it was um July of 1993 and I had been working day in and day out, 12 plus hours a day outside in the hot sun. And this particular summer there was just an insane amount of heat uh where I lived.

And what I was doing is I was digging trenches and this is not because I was in Juvie or I had gotten in trouble or I was making money. It was because my dad decided to save $1000. And so he had all of his Children. Me being one of them put in a 16 station sprinkler system, very big system for our yard that we had and we were digging trenches day in and day out while my friends walk by. And at this point it was evening time, five or six. And I had been in that hot sun all day long. And I just said, ok, maybe he's gonna let me hang out with them. So they come on by and I'm just like, you know, hoping that I can leave this whole like sprinkler system fiasco. Well, it was really hard for me to ask what I wanted back in the day. And so I got really scared, but I asked anyway, hey, dad, can I go hang out with my friends? And there they are there, there's, there's my friend. So I'm like, can I go hang out with my friends? And he said, no, the work is not done. Now in that moment, my heart sunk. I've been working for so many hours and he said no. And I was like, you know what, it's just easier not to ask for things. And that was my life growing up now, I'm not saying that like my, I lived this terrible life because it didn't.

But that was my life growing up was just not to ask for things, not to show up in my power, not to speak my mind. So I learned very young to just stay small, stay quiet and don't like ruffle the feathers. And I know a lot of women like to, they don't necessarily like to, but they show up this way and it's not healthy. So I got used to being told no. Well, uh f fast forward a few years later and I end up saying yes to uh my soon to be husband after only three weeks of dating. And when he proposed, he proposed with a ring that was not finished. There was no diamond in the middle, there was nothing in the middle. It was just empty prongs. And when he proposed, I felt completely sick to my stomach because I knew that was not what was right for me. However, I said yes, anyway, because I didn't want him to feel bad. So I literally said yes to the biggest decision you can make, which is marriage, one of the very biggest decisions you can make because I didn't want someone else to feel bad. And this is how I lived, I lived in this lane of pleasing everybody else at the extent of myself. I turned away from myself because it just seems like that was easier. Well, so what happens? I get into a really, um, unhealthy relationship, unhealthy marriage.

And I have three Children with him. The entire marriage was rocky. But I did it anyway. And in that marriage I continued to just say yes. So, I was a senior in college at the time I quit my job because I wanted to help him. Like, he had a bunch of debt. I quit my job to, um, help him pay off his debt. And I held resentment right. I had, uh, he job hopped a lot and I wasn't treated very well, but I still just continue to accept this. And so why I'm telling you these stories is because I'm sure some of you can relate where you accept certain things into your life that don't serve you certain things into your life that gets you thinking where and how in the world did I get here? I have no idea why I'm doing what I'm doing. And it might be, even with your job, you're not asking for the raise, you're not asking to be, um, paid what you're worth. You're not speaking up when you feel like something is off because it might be hard. You know, it gets a little bit scary. And so what I wanna offer you today is that what you're feeling is normal? And that life is 5050 you're gonna have ups, you're gonna have downs but it's how you respond to those that matter. And what I learned was that I didn't respond to those in a way that would serve me. I turned away from myself to the point where I couldn't even really like, know what I wanted. I didn't even give myself the entertainment of asking me what do I want?

And what that led to was a life of feeling, completely deprived of attention of love. And I did not like being married. I thought it was the worst thing ever. And I felt like I was doing all the things, you know, cooking and cleaning and, and I was working and doing everything I could while taking three care of three young kids. And I was like, how in the world did I get here? So what I wanna offer you is how I, how I changed those stars. So if you are somewhere that is not working for you, if in your life, you're like, ok, this is what I envisioned, but there's a really big gap. I want you to get curious as to how you're speaking to yourself. I want you to get curious as to how many times you're saying yes. When maybe you should be saying no, that doesn't work for me. I want you to get curious about how you're talking between your ears. What are you telling yourself? Are you telling yourself that you can or that you can't, that this is hard or that I find, I find a way no matter what, how are you speaking to yourself? So I got on the road to self discovery and it started by looking at other people and realizing they are treated to the, the wife is treated totally different because she doesn't expect or I said that wrong. She's treated different because she expects to be treated different.

She doesn't allow certain things to happen or be treated a certain way. She said certain expectations. And I wasn't doing that. I was just allowing all of these circumstances in my life to rule my life. And I felt like I was completely out of control and I had no control. But as I took back my power by just simple small steps, I started stepping into a much more comfortable version of myself and that's what I want to talk to you about today. So as I started doing small things, which sometimes that's all they are is very small. I realized that nothing fell apart. So when I went on a bike ride and got a babysitter, it was totally fine. Who knew that you could pay someone to watch your kids? I was doing it all right. Um Who knew that I could say no to things and still have relationships. Not me. I thought that I had to say yes to everything. If you're working and you have Children, you're basically doing two full time jobs. That's a lot So I wanna offer you that it's ok to ask for help. It's ok to tell everyone that you can't do everything. So I chose that life that didn't work for me. Nobody else I could blame my husband. I could blame my parents for how they raised me. I could blame anyone and everyone around me about why my life was the way it was. I was broke. I was miserable. I was working multiple jobs. I felt completely alone.

But ultimately, if I step back and take ownership, it was me who made all those choices when um he proposed with that ring and it was just these empty prongs. I allowed him to put uh finish the middle with a fake diamond instead of a real diamond, which is what I wanted because I didn't want to make him feel bad that he didn't have a lot of money. So at every little place I was telling myself that I wasn't worthy of that. I was telling myself I wasn't worthy of more and I was doing what everyone else wanted. Um me to do, obviously that did not work so that marriage did end. But as I continually took back my power, my life unfolded, everything changed and it started by thinking different thoughts, what can be? What do I want? I want you to ask yourself, what do you actually want, what's happening in your life that doesn't feel aligned and what do you actually want. So when I asked myself those questions, I started doing the most littlest things. Like I said, I went on a bike ride. I went to the mall without kids, like pulling on my sides and wanting me to, um, buy them all the things. Right. I went to the mall without kids. I told my husband that I didn't want to go to a family camp out.

I signed my son up for soccer, even though I didn't know how I was gonna pay for it. But I just started doing these things that felt good to me and realized that the rest will come like I'll figure out the end. So when I chose these things, little by little, I gained my power, I gained my power and stepped more into a place that worked for me. You don't have to just survive. I wanna teach you how to thrive. So eventually I did leave my husband, like I said, and I was a single mom which brought a lot of other hard things, right? I was um it was really hard to make ends meet. It was again, still lonely, but I was, that just was what it was. But as I continually started doing the things that felt good to me and listening to my voice, my life completely changed. I'm now remarried. I have seven Children between the two of us, a lot of kids and um life is so much better. We've recreated a completely new life for both me and my husband. And I want to tell you that you can too, you can have whatever it is that you wanna have. Napoleon Hill says it best when he says, whatever the man can achieve, whatever a man can achieve and believe he can or I just watched that whatever the man can conceive and believe he can achieve and the choice is yours.

So I want you to think about your life as a book and you are the author, you get to wake up every single day and decide how you wanna show up. What chapter of your life are you writing? There are going to be ups and downs, there's gonna be chapters that are heavier and harder and then there's gonna be chapters that are amazing and feel really good. But ultimately, you are the author. So ask yourself, are you the victim? Are you the hero? Where are you at in this story? And how do you want it to go? Because you get to decide you're totally worthy of everything that you want to be and you're also capable, you're capable of having whatever it is you want, whether it's the lover, the job, the house, the race, the relationship with family, whatever it is you can ask for it and you can achieve it.

If you actually believe that you're worthy of it, what would happen if you asked to be paid? What you're worth what would happen if you talked to your coworker about how you don't like how he's treating you. What would happen? What would happen when you spoke up instead of staying quiet or what would happen if you asked for the $500,000 yearly uh, income versus 50 or 100. What would happen when you just opened up your mind to what you actually want? What if you created that dream part partner in your head and then asked and moved forward, taking action on how to find that dream partner. What if you decided to move into a neighborhood that you loved in a house that you loved? All of this is available to you. The only difference between the people that are living, um the abundant lifestyle that they want and the people who aren't is the belief in themselves that they can have it. You can have it. And I'm living proof of that. I'm living proof of someone who went from totally um terrible marriage to broke single mom to living an absolute dream lifestyle. And I don't say that to say, oh, I'm so amazing. I say that because I want that for you too. You're capable and worthy of everything that you want. I want you to lean in and trust yourself, trust your intuition because your intuition knows best. And when you turn away from it like I did, especially when I got married life doesn't go as well.

As it could when you lean into your intuition. What is your intuition telling you? I used to accept living on massive, uh, living with massive amounts of debt. Now, I don't, I used to accept that my kids would never be in like, expensive extracurricular activities. But now I don't, I'm like, I don't have to accept that anymore. That's not my life anymore. I used to accept people treating me poorly, but now I don't, that's not part of my life anymore. I'm not gonna allow that. You get to decide how people treat you and you get to teach them how to do that. I used to accept living in a low income neighborhood. Now, I don't now I live with pe around people who are ambitious and hustlers and boost me up every single day that I'm with them with them. So what are you accepting in your life right now that you are ready to stop accepting? I want you to grab a pen right now and I want you to write down. I will not accept and then fill in the blank anymore. I will not accept this income level anymore. I will not accept being treated this way anymore. I will not accept whatever that is that is holding you back in your life and in your career, decide right now that you are not going to accept that. I want you to also ask yourself right now if I were to just hand you $1 million right now.

Just here it is. What do you want? Dream big? What can you have? You can literally have whatever it is that you want. You just have to decide it. What if you stepped into your power every single day? What if you told yourself? Yes. Every single day I want you to create a new mantra for yourself as well. Take a few minutes and just think about what goal it is that you wanna have and say I am living a lifestyle or whatever you want, fill in the blank and I am worthy of it. I am fill in the blank and I am worthy of it. If your life isn't going the way that you wanted to, I want you to get curious and ask yourself why you can't control anyone else around you but yourself, you can't control your mom. You can't control your dad. You can't control your partner, your friends or your neighbors. But what you can control is you and how you show up sometimes that's a little hard and it feels it's a little triggering. It doesn't feel good. But when you step into that power and allow it and decide I am sick of this and I'm ready for more, then more will be opened up to you. You matter, you're worthy, your voice matters. So I want you to speak up.

I want you to be heard and go after that life you desire because you are worthy of it. I hope you have a great rest of your conference and thank you for letting me be part of it. Bye.