Welcome. My name is Erica Shepard. I own Erica Shepherd Healing and coaching and consulting out of the North Carolina area. And I'm formerly a nurse and nurse practitioner out of the medical field.So I'm joining you guys in the tech field today to talk a little bit about emotional health and well being and optimizing your amazing success, but feeling dang good while doing it. All right. So women, I believe in a world where professional women in high pressure environments who are successful can acknowledge their hunger for more and finally feel relief within themselves. So I believe that a lot of women out there right now are have so much going for them are so successful, but feel this hunger for more and then feel confused about it. Have has anybody ever experienced that? Right? So the thing is, is when you feel actually full, when you feel actually satisfied in your being, you wake up energized, you have your creative juices going 24 7, you're like the energizer bunny, you can just keep going. You are driving in your relationships, things just seem to flow. When you look in the mirror, you like what you see, and you are loving life. Ok. There was a time where I was really highly successful but I was not feeling full. I was not feeling satisfied.

This was a number of years ago, I was actually a graduate student at Georgetown University, which is one of the most prestigious universities in the world. I was about to graduate summa cum lad, which is highest honors. And that's a pretty, um, amazing accomplishment that, you know, I, that I did it. And at this point in my life, I was married to my college sweetheart for a number of years. We were like that couple that everybody was like hashtag relationship goals. We, we were the couple that people looked up to. And so I had him, I was living in my dream apartment. I was in my dream location and I had checked off all the boxes, you guys, I checked off all the boxes. And if you had asked me on any given day, hey, are you, are you happy? Are you satisfied? I would have been like, sure. I mean, what do I have to complain about? Right. I have everything I've ever sought out to do or want. And here it is. But my body was telling me a different story during this time in my life. Um It was around this time that where I had all this going for me that my body started to fall apart. In my late twenties. I started losing my hair in chunks. Um I looked four months pregnant at any given time and I did not change my diet at all. Gained £15 out of nowhere. My body started breaking out in rashes and it looked like a terrible autoimmune situation.

But when I went to the doctors, they said we don't know what's wrong with you. Your blood work is perfect. And to a medical professional like myself, this was very startling. They didn't know what was wrong with me and I didn't know what was wrong with me. So as someone who's like, not ok with just like, oh, you're fine and everything's ok and clearly I feel terrible. Um I'm waking up at 3 a.m. every morning with, uh my heart beating really fast. I'm um, they have these racing thoughts, you know, that hamster wheel where you just can't turn off your brain, the thoughts just keep going right. I could not slow down and I was not ok with that. I was not ok with my body falling apart at 28. So I did something really radical and I took myself on as my own patient and I'm like, I'm gonna figure out what's going on here. Ok. So I did three things that I had never done before. The first thing I did was I started going inward toward myself for answers and building a relationship with myself instead of going outward for my answers. I had always consulted textbooks. I had always consulted professional colleagues. Um And this was the first time I'm like, no, I'm gonna sit quiet with myself and consult myself. And that was the first different thing I did after I took myself on as my own patient.

The second thing I did was I um started to build a relationship with my emotions. This is the one that us high performing people have a really hard time when they hear that one is, oh, you, you felt your emotions, you build your relationship with your emotions. And I started to do a thing where I didn't judge them. I started to listen to them and let them tell me a story instead of instead of casting them aside. So that was the second thing I did was I um built a relationship with my emotions. The third thing I did and I want you guys to pay attention to this one was that I decided to build a bridge between where I was and not where I wanted to be. But how I wanted to feel, I want to say that again. I built a bridge between where I was and how I wanted to feel because I was already where I wanted to be. So I thought, but if I started to build a bridge to how I wanted to feel and I wanted to feel healthy, I wanted to feel calm, joyous, peaceful, rested. What would that look like if I then build a bridge to how I wanted to feel. That made me really have to stop and think and maybe answer some uncomfortable, come up with some uncomfortable answers. Excuse me. So when I went down this rabbit hole and did all these things, I actually found out what my diagnosis was.

Do you guys know what my diagnosis was? Perfectionism? You did not see that in the medical literature. But what I started to realize when I built that relationship with myself and I started to listen to my emotions and I built that bridge from where I was and how I wanted to feel. The thing that I was suffering from was perfectionism. Has anybody ever struggle with perfectionism before? Here's the thing about perfectionism is perfectionism. You are not a perfectionist and no one is a perfectionist. No one is a perfectionist. Perfectionism is a behavioral pattern that we develop a lot of us. Have it confused with a virtue we think, oh I have perfectionism. That's why I get so much stuff done. That's why I'm such a bad ass. And I'm here to tell you that that's not true. And here's the difference. Hard work is a virtue. OK? But here's the difference between the virtue and perfectionism and listen to this closely. The virtue is hard work that matters where perfectionism is working, hard to matter. I'm gonna say that one more time, the virtue of hard work is hard work that matters while perfectionism is working hard to matter, it is hustling for our worth.

It is coming from a place of, I'm not good enough and I need to work harder to be good enough. And I'm here to tell you that it's not true. It's not true that whatever you came in here to do in this world, you have it all already and you might be on your journey and you're finding it, but it's already all there and you don't need to keep working so hard to do it. So I have a theory. Um, it's Erica's, uh, I call it Laps theory that all these years that I've been healing people. I have come to find and I do a lot of subconscious work with people and reprogramming neurological systems, your neuro, your neurological system and stuff like that is that we're asking ourselves four questions at all times and this is what drives perfectionism. Ok? So if you guys want to take notes on this, this is where you do it, but it's called my Laps theory. Laps. If anybody wants to put that in the chat, the L stands for, we are constantly assessing situations and asking the questions if I do this or don't do this, am I gonna be loved?

Oh, so if I get into Georgetown or don't get into Georgetown, are my parents still going to be proud of me? I'm going to be loved. Ok. We are always asking that question? Subconsciously in our head. Two A. Am I gonna be accepted? Am I still gonna belong if I don't join this tech agency? Am I still going to be a techie? Am I still going to be accepted in this community? Right? P is purpose if I do this or don't do this, ami going to still have purpose is why I'm here. Am I still gonna have a reason why I'm here? Right? Is it still gonna be worthy? Is it still gonna matter? And then lastly s am I gonna be safe? You know, in the tech community here, there's a, there's a lot, I was talking to a lot of people before this. It's a very male dominated industry. If I show up as the fun loving woman, I am that I am. Am I still gonna be taken seriously? Is it gonna be safe for me to be myself? Right? Or am I going to take advantage of that? Am I going to be belittled? Am I gonna be objectified? Have, have you ever felt that way? Right. So we are constantly assessing, am I gonna be loved? Am I gonna be accepted? Am I gonna have a purpose and I'm gonna be safe? And this is what drives perfectionism, not a job well done.

So again, the virtue of hard work is hard work that matters. Perfectionism is working hard to matter. So how do we, how do we get over perfectionism? Right? And so in my own journey, what I found was there is an anecdote to perfectionism and the anecdote is this, it's love. And if that word is too fluffy for some of you, you can replace the word with care or nurturance, but it's love that helps us undo perfectionism. I never thought that I could get to a place in life where I feel this calm on a consistent basis and still be this hard working successful woman. And I know that it is possible for each and every single one of you connecting to love is what is going to undo hustling for our worth, connecting to love when we are, when we are imperfection is we are connecting to expectations. And that is gonna keep us on that cycle of pressure, anxiety, stress, shooting ourselves to death, I call it right? We are shutting ourselves. So perfection is we have to connect to love versus connecting to expectations.

So how did that look like in my life that made some drastic changes, built that bridge from where I was to how I wanted to feel. How did I want to feel? I wanted to feel that piece, calm joy. And I did some major things. I left my marriage. I realized I married someone I should have married, not someone that if I really felt my, my authentic self, that I, that I would have married them otherwise a great person, but someone I should have married. I left the conventional medical field and started this and here I am with you guys only a number of years later. But to leave, not my nurse practitioner, um, career, not long after leaving Georgetown was, was a huge thing. But if I had stayed in it, I would have felt not happy, I would have felt a lot of pressure. I would have felt a lot of shoulds, ok. But I knew I was called to do more holistic things and connect to people on a greater level outside of clinics. Ok. And you know what I did while I was building up this, my practice to connect to joy. I took a minimum wage airline job so I could get free flights. So here I was a Georgetown grad master's degree, working a high school graduate degree job making minimum wage. But I was the happiest most alive I had ever felt. I was filled to the brim perfectionism.

You guys is empty calories that hunger when we're hungry for more. It's because much of the time we're feeding ourselves with perfectionism. Perfectionism is gonna starve you. It's like it's fuel and it's the wrong fuel for anyone. It's like trying to fill up a diesel with Tesla.

Oh, sorry. Let me, let's try that again. It's like trying to fill up a Tesla with diesel. That's what perfectionism is. You're trying to fill up your tank and you are going to come up short every time because it is empty. It is empty calories that you're filling ourselves where if you're connecting to love and what's gonna really fill you up, you are going to get filled. Ok? So what I've learned over the years is to connect to love. We really need to connect to these three things and it's peace, calm and joy. People always tell me in all these years that I've been doing this healing that if I connect to love, I feel peace, calm and joy. So I have three simple practices that you can take home today. We're gonna practice right now real quick to wrap the session up to better connect to the peace, calm joy and you can start them today. So we're gonna start with the calm practice. OK? I'm gonna have you guys close your eyes here for a second and you're gonna listen to my voice and to connect to calm. I want you to picture your energy field and just let your imagination go wild. OK? And picture is my energy in my inside my body. Is it partially in my body? Is it halfway out? My body is all the way out my body. And I want you to picture it going all the way in your body.

And I want you to breathe through your nose and I want you to inhale and expand your belly first, then your ribs and then your chest fills up last. Hold for a second. And then exhale chest first, then ribs, then belly. And I want you guys to practice on your own cadence, belly ribs, chest, chest ribs, belly exhale. And as you guys are doing that, if you're inhaling with your chest first, that's, that's actually um fight or flight breathing. So if you always breathe like that, it's because you're always in fight or flight, you're always in your sympathetic nervous system. So to help recalibrate that we wanna get into your belly first grade. A little buddha belly, then ribs and then chest and then exhale chest first, then ribs and belly. Ok? So you can remember that easily. You can open your eyes when you're ready. Belly ribs, chest, chest ribs, belly, that's the calm practice. Ok? So you're gonna do that first.

The next practice is the peace practice. This is the one that I feel a lot of professional women have. The most difficult time with is the peace practice and it's connecting to your emotions every day doing an emotional check in. What did I feel today? Because you guys emotions are energy and if you don't feel let that energy go, it builds up in your body. So my whole thing with my hair falling out, gaining £15 out of nowhere. Um gut issues galore and then rashes all over my body. Guess what happened when I started uh to connect to my peace, calm and joy. They all went away. Ok? I completely healed all of those autoimmune system symptoms that didn't show up on blood work. It was all because I wasn't feeling my emotions and I wasn't giving my emotions that I was not giving my emotions the time of day. Ok, so for you guys take five minutes of your day, what did I feel today? You can do it in a journal, you can talk to somebody you trust, however you want to get that out in a healthy way that serves you doing emotional timing every day. That's the peace practice because or else your, your emotions are gonna build up in your body like a Los Angeles traffic jam. Ok. We don't want that. All right, we just wanna connect to those a little bit every day. All right, that's the peace practice.

Lastly, the joy practice. Connect to something every day that brings you joy. All right, right now I am learning to rollerblade at 34 years old or roller skate. Excuse me. Um It brings me joy like I wanna do that and have some fun. I want you guys to type in the box right now. What are some, what is one thing that you can do this week that brings you joy or this one thing that you've done in the past that brings you joy. So for me, it's, it's roller skating like we're never too late, it's never too late to find your joy. Ok. So Shanna says playing the piano. Alexander says, painting creamy says biking. Yes. Absolutely. Yu says cooking. Oh y you, I bet you can make some delicious things. Latanya taking pole dancing classes. Yes, I did that last year. Oh Man. Get to get it on girl, get it on. Amanda says drawings. The, the gardening guys. You have so much joy. You have so much joy and the tech industry. It could be really high pressure and could be really serious sometimes, but I don't want you guys to lose this joy as you're building your amazing tech careers. OK? So with that, you turn 30 in the shower. That's amazing. So with that peace, calm joy, how can I bring that into my everyday life? Do you guys have three practices now that you can start with today to do that? So we have a couple of minutes left.

I wanna share my screen here for a second um to hold on share screen because uh if you guys wanna connect, um then I would love to connect with you outside of here. Um I'm just gonna put a, you guys can see me. Hold on a second here. Um I have a scan code here, I believe. Oh, this is like the never ending. Hold on one second. You guys, the tech is just being a little, a little slow, but I have a scan code that you guys can scan if you do want to connect with me here. It is. Um you just put your phones up to it, the camera and we can connect outside of here but um go ahead and do that if you want to connect outside of here. But I wanna leave the last couple of minutes if you guys have any questions and opening up to you guys, um any questions or thoughts that you would like to share. So I'm gonna restore this down. Ok. Speaking. Ok. Thank you Janine for, for speaking. Does anybody have any questions Mariana? She's gonna put it in practice. Yeah, girl, that's what I love to hear, ok? You said? All right, thank you, Alex. This is really amazing. I appreciate you guys. So I want to close you guys out um with a quote.

So here I'm gonna close this scan code out. But if you guys want to reach out to me personally, you're more than welcome to, I'm gonna stop sharing and um I have one quote to leave you guys with and that is remember that to get rid of this pressure that you guys may be feeling on a consistent basis that connect to love instead of connecting to expectations, whatever that looks like for you is gonna be different than anybody else in this planet, ok?

And trust it, believe it. And the quote I have to leave you with is love can't be known, it needs to be experienced. All right. So thank you guys so much. I appreciate every single one of you. I would love to connect with any of you. You guys have been an amazing audience and um I can't wait to connect with you guys in the future. So thank you so much and we'll see you guys. Enjoy the rest of the conference. Bye.