We’ve been living in a pandemic world for two years. But, for working moms, it probably seems a lot longer. One reason is that women are under pressure to balance work and childcare, leading to disproportionate levels of strain. According to the annual Women in the Workplace report from McKinsey & Co. and LeanIn.org, the gap between women and men who report feeling burned out has nearly doubled in the last year. In the survey, 42% of women and 35% of men reported feeling burned out in 2021, compared to 32% of women and 28% of men the previous year. Not only that but one of three women surveyed say they have considered downshifting or leaving their jobs altogether. In another study, 88% of working moms say that they're more stressed now than before the pandemic.
If you’ve decided to stay in the workforce, managing your priorities can be like walking a tightrope. Here are some key strategies to find balance as a working mom.
Set healthy boundaries
If you feel the need to please others, you may have trouble setting healthy personal and professional boundaries. The first step is understanding your values and using them to determine where you’d like to set limits. For example, if spending time with your family in the evenings is important to you, make it a point to hide your cell phone and laptop during that time. You can also set expectations with your team by letting them know that you won’t be answering work emails between certain hours. Once you have identified your boundaries, make sure you communicate them clearly to others. Then when your boundaries are violated, which is inevitable, address the person directly, so they know where you stand.
Put your oxygen mask on first
When you get on a plane, it's the first rule—put your oxygen mask on first before assisting your child. That’s because to truly care for others; you must first take care of yourself. This concept doesn’t necessarily mean going for weekly facials or massages. It’s about learning how to nurture yourself in small ways on a daily basis. Some examples include setting aside a few minutes to meditate in the morning, soaking in a hot bath in the evening, or just giving yourself a mental break during the day. Eating nutritious food and getting enough sleep are also crucial for self-care. Remember, self-care is not selfish. It teaches your children to love themselves and helps you be the best version of yourself.
Ask for help
One of the most difficult things for many women is to ask for help. Recognize that you can’t do everything yourself. Practice reaching out to family, friends and neighbors. Seek out co-workers who are also working moms. Visit websites like Fiverr and Upwork. These freelance marketplaces offer virtual assistants who do everything from social media and graphic design to accounting and bookkeeping. There's also a site called Fancy Hands, where you can hire virtual assistants to do anything from ordering holiday cards to planning your vacation. You can even try finding moms near you using Facebook groups or other apps. That way, you can connect with women who will relate to you on a unique level.
Let go of the guilt
In her book Forget Having It All, author Amy Westervelt sums up the working mom dilemma, “We expect women to work like they don’t have children and raise children as if they don’t work.” Because of this, women feel guilty whether they are working or not. Even Oscar winner Halle Berry experiences guilt when traveling for work. She says, “I do find it's sometimes hard to leave them and go away and do my job. And there's this thing called mom guilt. I'm not so sure men feel it as quite deeply as we feel it as women, but I fight against that because I want my children to grow and know that they can be parents and they can have careers that they love at the same time.”
Letting go of the guilt starts with forgiving yourself. Remember the reasons behind your choices. Another grounding exercise is to revisit your values and priorities. So often, women have certain values but later find that they are not living in them. For example, if family is your number one priority and you are working so many hours that you barely see your children, it’s time to make some changes.
Working moms face a unique set of challenges. But that doesn't mean you can't be a great mom and successful at work. Sara Blakely, the founder of Spanx, says it best, "This struggle is real. The juggle is real. That’s why everyone should hire working mothers. They are put in crazy situations all the time and are forced to problem-solve. They are some of my most resourceful employees.” Be the mom you want to be, not the mom others expect you to be. Only then will you be able to achieve your own version of balance.
