Let's just start with the story because that's what I like doing storytelling and listening to stories. So it was a bright sunny day. Anne woke up and shot out of her bed thinking she needs to rush into work and life and accomplish things.She has missed out so far. She usually starts and ends her day with this thought with a sense of self doubt and the agony of missed milestones and who wouldn't feel like they're falling behind in life. At some point when there are so many milestones, we are supposed to be ticking off from getting a degree, living alone, career marriage, baby, buying a house and all by the time we are 30. As you fall behind the schedule, you might start to feel like a failure and feels like a failure. At times. She's the girl falling behind in career, relationships and other milestones. As for the set timeline, watching her parents get their degrees moving up the career ladder, um moving ahead in relationships and families. She's constantly comparing what she has achieved with what she should have the day she entered her thirties. She was very disappointed she wasn't earning the income.

She wanted, neither, she had followed her dreams and aspirations, nor she had gotten married or had kids, but make no mistake and is a rock star. She is a renowned professional speaker, aspiring author and a mentor to a lot of other women. Even though Anne has done some amazing things and had made progress, that would have astounded her younger self. She still felt for a short time that she wasn't achieving enough. Today, we will follow Anne's journey and see if we can relate to her and learn from her back. Hello, everyone. Thank you for joining me today. I hope you are healthy and safe during these uncertain times. My name is Ken. I'm an electrical engineer by training a software consultant by profession and a humanitarian at heart. I am innovation and evangelist and technology leader with exceptional skills and agile project management, product management, Microsoft dynamics, business applications, training and coaching. I have been representing women in the it industry in Pakistan for about a decade by coaching and mentoring on shows such as equal opportunities, visibility, gender pay gap and helping other women break the glass ceiling. I speak regularly on the issues such as empowerment of women in technology and equal opportunities for women in this industry, for collaborative partnerships.

So before we jump in and start talking about Anne and her and her life, let's see if anyone who has joined us today have doubted themselves at one point in time thinking that they have not gotten where they really wanted to be. So anyone from, from the audiences, some people can you guys just tell me in chat if it has ever occurred that you have missed a milestone and thought that you are falling behind your ps. OK? I I would, I think it happens with all of us, right? So it it happens very frequently that uh that we feel we are falling behind. So thank you for responding, Gina, I, I can see that you have felt that way. So the story that we, she felt that way for, for, for some time and now we're talking about how she came out of it or how she's trying to cope up with it. So the first thing that, that she did is changing her outlook. It was a shift in outlook that she did to make sure that she is not beating herself. She, she knows that she's reaching her milestones. And before I move forward, let's let's uh decide that this ann is actually me. So my name is K and I'm trying to tell my own story. So um I in my self talk, usually I tell myself in what ifs maybes and should haves.

I remind myself this is exactly where I'm supposed to be and wherever I'll be tomorrow, that's where I'm supposed to be. Then in the hustle of life where everyone is in rush, I try to walk in peace and refuse to rush through the milestones r through my life. And you know, as an individual, I know that I have a go getter personality always wanted to do too much, too quickly in a very short span of time. And with people like me, it is very difficult when we try to get peace and, and you know, just to move away from the rush, I can see Gina can relate to it. Yeah, Gina. So I am that kind of a person who's always in a rush to achieve another milestone after after one has been achieved. So I try and talk to myself and I, I try and tell myself to walk, feel and grow in peace. No more rushing through my days and life timelines no more being desperate to get from one phase of life to another. I remind myself that if I'm moving forward in the right direction every day, that is a pace actually, that is the only pace that I have. I choose to be contented where I am today. I I really choose that to be contented. But does that sound like settling down for less than what I deserve or expect or should be striving for?

Do you guys feel that way that if we say we are content, we are actually moving away from um from my aspirations and seeing thinking that OK, we are settling for what we actually have because that's what I felt initially that you know, OK, so if I'm saying I'm contained, maybe there's nothing that I'm running after that that I'm striving for.

So I felt that way initially, but I am trying to explain this to myself and I have made it my habit that if whatever I have today, I am content with it. I choose to be content and this does not mean I'm settling. It means that I am intentionally grounding myself with gratitude. This opens the doors of being able to present and to have peace, which is very important for my group. The position to be content with where I am is a decision that actually relieves me from anxiety and pressure.

The pressure that was making me discontent and was taking me. They was taking away all my joy in a and was forcing me to live in a radical way besides just changing the the shift, the outlook shift or the shift in my mindset. I had to make some habit changes. So, you know, the way my routine works, but I do on a day to day basis, I changed that too. I started changing that I, I started um structuring my life more towards peace and not just more towards milestones and achievements. So the first thing that I did was structuring my morning routine. So I have laid out a foundation for uh for my morning routine that um that brings peace in my entire day. So I have like 15 to 20 minutes at the beginning of the day where I just sit down, talk to myself. Um, um, you know, work out stretch, maybe write a journal, just figure out 3 to 4 activities that you can do and, and these activities make you feel like you have a winning, you, you're winning at the day, at the end of the day. You know, you are already at the, at the gate of it. So structured morning routines was something that really helped me in prioritizing that I have to do so rather than have a lengthy list of work, I used to journal and write, what is it?

I'm supposed to do with priorities and always prioritizing my peace of mind. Besides that, another important thing was journaling everything, small wins of mine, every small move that I did, I was just journaling all of those moments and I started seeing how much growth and progress I'm making, which I was not really seeing before I was, I was just ignoring all of that.

So the ability to see how I am growing gave me the confidence and reassurance that I am, in fact going in the right direction, it might take me more time than expected, but I'm still moving and I'm moving in the right direction with my base, maybe not with the base that uh that is set as milestone by the society.

Another important thing which I believe happens is in today's time and age, we are in constant compassion. So, you know, this is the age of social media makes us look at our friends, acquaintances, acquaintances, colleagues and think that they're achieving a lot more than us.

They are um you know, maybe they have uh moved up in their care letters, they have done their uh master's phd S, they have CHR academically, um they have better relationships. So this constant comparison is essentially what takes, it makes us feel that we're falling behind your peers.

I'm not sure how it impact you guys, but it does make, it did make me feel as if I'm falling behind the people that I know. Can you guys uh comment on that? I would love to hear what you feel like when you see all those announcements on Instagram and Facebook and linkedin. Do you feel like you're falling behind? Ok. So I can, I can see that uh a lot of us feel the same way, right? Um We just feel thank you Judith for the input. Yeah, Vanessa II, I, you feel that sometimes I used to um I used to feel it a lot of times that I'm falling behind the announcement of a promotion of a new degree of maybe getting married or having babies. I used to feel OK, so I couldn't take off any of those, right? Even though I received so far so, you know. Yeah, exactly. So, so at an I PV, we should decide to stay off linkedin or the social media platforms if it is becoming that toxic for us. So unfortunately, we live in a culture that encourages comparison and invites us into envy in every nook and cranny of our lives.

Comparison will almost always leave us feeling less like we are behind and questioning whether or not we are doing enough so to counter this toxic trap, we should practice the habit of uh turning comparisons into compliments. I know it's easier said than done. And I'm still trying to learn this a because it is an a but, you know, we we should be turning comparison into compliments. So it works like this. So if I look like the way uh Jenna Jenna looks or if I like um if I'm in awe of what Judith has um achieved in her career, I would say, you know, um I would go ahead and compliment them and I'll tell them how um how appreciative of I am of all their achievements, I'll give them compliments and then that compliment will eventually come back and eventually um subconsciously encourage me to do it rather than comparing.

I try and give out compliments. That's another thing that has helped me converting compliments, converting comparisons into compliments. So I, I usually go ahead and say, OK, you're looking really beautiful or you have achieved a lot. I am amazed with what you have done in A I or the project delivery or, or you know, the last product that you worked on is absolutely astounding. So, and that just subconsciously tells me to follow the path to grow within my own capacity and reach a stage where others can appreciate where I am or before that I can appreciate where I am. So that was another strategy, a very major shift. I'm still trying to learn how to do it. So do you guys do that? Do you give compliments when you see um others achieving? And does it make you feel good or does it make you feel even worse? How does that work out for you guys? Ok, Vanessa Seita. So how does it make you feel Vanessa? Does it make you feel better if you give compliment? Uh Does it encourage you to go ahead and treat the treat the same or maybe more? Absolutely amy. So their success never takes away from yours? Absolutely. OK. Genesis. Uh huh OK. Thank you to that. Absolutely. So, you know, you're happy for others. But um and I, and I mean, I was happy for my friend. It's not like I was unhappy for them.

It's just that, you know, you compare and you see, so there's like a checklist that you have to keeping ticking off things, what you have achieved and what you haven't. So um I, I actually just talk to myself and tell myself, OK, so they, they have achieved this and I'm gonna get it or maybe get something better than this when my day is there, when I'm there when I really deserve it. So, yeah, that's what I do. I've tried turning comparisons into compliments. Another important thing that um that I am trying to practice. I, I won't say I'm there. But another thing that I'm trying to practice is to be at peace, you know, just, just be at peace with myself, our culture. And I'm, I'm not sure if it is the same across the globe. But yeah, so I think it is because II I have friends all across the world and I can, I can sense it's the same thing. Our culture goes against the belief of being at peace with ourselves. It tells us constantly tells us to do more, achieve more, look at others at what they have achieved. Um keep striving and never being contented with what we have. So I am actually trying to practice compassion.

I'm trying to practice to be content with what has been, what I have achieved, what has been bestowed on me. I am trying to understand that my life is not measured in what I have occurred or achieved, but in how I have lived and how I love and, and how do people remember me? We just need to settle our hearts, you know, on a daily basis, like in activity, learn to make peace, the belief will align our priorities, reduce the risk of self criticism and we'll have, we can have an eye on ourselves. Like what is it that we're doing? Um It will um help us with the, with the reality matters, something, things that really matter, things that are important, you know, loving, well, living, well, having gratitude and compassion, all of that, those things work out when we are actually practicing peace, getting into peace with ourselves.

How do you, how many of you have ever tried practicing peace? Do you think that's something missing? You know, do you feel that you have everything but not peace like you're earning well, you are doing everything you have uh maybe, you know, met all your milestones but still the only missing bit is peace. Have you felt that way? I can see a lot of professional successful women here and I would really want to know if it is just me. Ok, Jenna says she's missing gratitude, Jenna Iii, I feel you. I really do. So, practicing gratitude and compassion is um is really difficult and it takes a very long time to reach there. I'm also on, on my path to, to feel that whatever I have, I have to be thankful for that and then move ahead and, and ask for more. So compassion and gratitude is what I am practicing at the moment. So another thing, another important thing that I believe you miss out which uh we we which can help a lot is to slow down, you know, start practicing mindfulness, simplify things that really, that really helps like, you know, um look at your, look at your list of things that you need to do or, or achievements that you've planned for a year prioritized those achievements and then simplify them.

Don't have very big milestones, have small milestones because that makes you happy. It encourages you, it helps in picking up yourself again and moving forward in the life. So that is another important aspect that uh an important change that I have made. Initially, I used to have huge milestones for myself. Now I'm trying to break those down, wearing a sense of contentment and gratitude is, is very important. You know, I, I tell myself that what I have is enough. And by that, I don't mean that I'm not going to going to achieve more and I'm not, I'm not striving, but it's a beautiful way of saying that I have everything in life. I have everything that matters and things that I'm going to get in future. I I will get there eventually, I will have to work hard, but I will get there eventually. Everything that is supposed to be mine will come will come by me. So if you can cultivate that one thing, you know that thing in one moment, you can do it for the next. So I try moving from one moment to another. I I have, I'm using that lens. You try to have uh you know, an appreciative lens all the time and see um myself in a positive light and see others that way too.

So all of a sudden if you start doing that, you are not behind or anything because what you are doing right now is enough. All it is you have, which is perfect as it is. Let me see if uh exactly breaking them down. Yeah. Yeah. So I, I tried doing that uh to that, you know, it has helped a lot so breaking down um the achievements, the goals really helped. So what my my advice in this journey with all of you ladies would be to practice gratitude and and stay contained with where you are, keep striving. But don't compare other compliment when we get out this session today. I I would believe that you would at least know that there are others who are feeling the same way, but the same way maybe you are feeling today. We are all together in this and we will reach where we would really like to reach. I am open to your questions. Thank you so much for your time today. Let me see if there are any comments that I need to respond to and then we can move ahead and close the conversation. Let me see. Ok, let's see who are all the people that I have. So I have Vanessa, I have Amy Jenna Judith. OK. I think we have been talking in comments throughout uh anything else that you would like to talk about around this?

I think this was it that I wanted to present it. I know this is uh a women in tech uh conference. Uh Our conversation must have been more about technology. I myself have been in, in the it sector for 11 years now and everything around me is around technology and it, but uh it has been a, a while where I, I feel that talking about these things and talking on a human level is very important way more important uh than the discussions on just what products or uh technologies or services we work on.

Thank you so much for your time today. I I really appreciate your um conversation. It was, it was very um playful because you kept talking and I'm hoping to see you all again. You can follow me on linkedin. I will just put my uh profile ID here, hoping to stay connected with all of you in the future. Thank you so much. Take care. Bye.